Almost imperceptible witticisms

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Week 6: step on a crack
caile
I should have known much earlier. The time he got up after sex and started buffing his nails; I should have known then. Or the day he informed me that he sure missed my breasts. Or the night he told me to leave his house at 2 a.m. because he was tired of me.

Go now, he said. I'm tired. I'm tired of you.

I laughed.

Why are you laughing? It's true.

I know, I said. That's why I'm laughing.

It's a compulsion. I know I'll hate being with him and I'll feel bad afterwards, but I can't stop. I'm thinking of him now: his precisely-parted dark hair that I love to mess up, his snub nose, his brown eyes behind designer lenses, the heart-breaking dimple in his right cheek, his oddly slender wrists, his broad, soft belly. The way he fakes a smile, the way he really smiles. The way he expects me to do what he says as a matter of course, here, drink the rest of this beer, and then, when I don't, diffidently, you don't have to if you don't want to.

I know I don't have to. I don't have to do any of this. Don't have to ask him how his day was, don't have to riffle his hair, don't have to kiss him on the shoulder casually, don't have to put on heels, don't have to write him letters, don't have to let him take me home. Don't have to pretend this could be something good.

It's a compulsion. Like jumping over the cracks in crumbling pavement. Once you start you can't stop doing it, hopping from one asphalt island to another, until the whole ground is a tracery of cracks and there's nowhere safe to step.

If I could just fix this, and I know I can't, but if I could just fix this, if I could make him love me, it would prove I deserve to be loved.

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I enjoyed the details, especially about buffing his nails after sex. For such a small act, it speaks volumes. This is a compulsion no one should want. Good job.

So many things to say to this and none of them just right, or even appropriate. I really felt this one though. <3

Hey, I think I found a picture of this dude!



I knoooooow you probably know this already, but this mofo ain't worth your time.

Haha, you're right, there is a strong resemblance! After I wrote this piece I thought, what the fuck, self. Just stop. So that's my next move: stop giving this guy my time, attention or affection.

Cheers to that..few days of that would get him back to his senses.. I hope..

The last line! *stomach kick*

Oh... you just broke my heart!

I'm not sure what to say about this. It was heartbreaking. I wish you all the best.

You tied this into the prompt really well, and in an unexpected way.

When you laugh because his self-centered awfulness no longer surprises you... part of you knows that you deserve better than this, and that being alone has to be better than being with someone who makes you feel unloveable.

It isn't you. :(

Yep, you're going to have to stop hurting yourself and walk away from this one, for sure. Hope that you do!

Started buffing his nails after sex? Seriously?

Thank you for sharing this vulnerable part of your reality. This reads like prose poetry.

I have been in so many relationships like this. I love the way you word it, it just describes it so perfectly. Thank you for sharing.

This is very heartbreaking!

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. x

So much hurt in this.
The last line brought Tom Jones to mind. But, you can't *make* someone love you.
Everyone deserves to be loved, the trick is finding the people who will love you for you, not for who they want you to be.

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